Miscellaneous (humorous?) Tidbits from Various Sources for your Amusement
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 Women Gags ° Computer Gags ° Redneck Gags  ° Dog and Cat Humor ° Senior Humor ° Nature
Various Holiday Photos ° Airplane Humor ° Sign Humor ° Increase Your "Intelligence" ° "Advice"
Religious Humor ° Political Humor ° Terrorist Humor ° Just Plain Funny ° Interesting Photos ° Nothing in Particular
New Element Discovered ° Who Said Women Can't Take Instructions ° Dumb Remarks Duly Noted
My EML Collection ° Vocabulary Lessons °  Cartoon Movies  ° Cartoons ° Vocabulary Lessons

Moving objects? -from Elbert ° Moving-object Illusions (link) ° Eye Trickery from Rita ° More Eye Trickery
What you think you see may fool you. ° The Dog that Never Was
 Fantastic Photography (3MB .pps) ° Fantastic Winter Photography (3MB .pps) ° Made in Israel (.pps)
Weird Pictures (.pps) ° Driving in Bolivia (.pps) ° Fire Sprinkler Test (.pps) ° Old Cars (.pps)
 Our Planet Earth from Space (.pps) ° Cool Drawings by Julian Beever ° VanGogh (.pps) ° World's Highest Bridge (.pps)
Whales of British Columbia (.pps) ° The Simple Life (.pps) ° Best Pictures on the Internet (.pps)
Pictures Taken at Just the Right Angle ° More Fantastic Photography (link) ° Men's Restroom Mural
Haircut for Long Boring Meetings ° Statutory Rape? ° Military Humor
Airplane Lands on Interstate /Read how they did it (HERE) ° The Clapper Caper (.wmv) ° Quick-change Artists (link)
Voted Best Commercial Ever (.mpg) ° Voted WORST Commercial (.wmv) ° Honda Commercial ° Printer Problems (.wmv)
Bush and Clinton Impersonator (5MB .wmv) ° Parking Demo (.mpg)
Animal Thieves (.wmv) ° The Kilted Scotsman (.wmv) ° Why Kids Need Pets (.wmv) ° The Knack (.mpg)
AT&T and Bellsouth Acquire Each Other (.wmv) ° The African Booze Tree (.wmv) ° North Sea Showdown (.wmv)
The Incredible Missing Water (.wmv) ° Dog Tricks (.wmv) ° Fantastic Machine (.wmv) ° Talking Dogs (.wmv)
I'm My Own Grandpa (wmv) ° Shadow Puppet (.wmv) ° Ethan, Six year old at the Piano (.wmv) ° Lawn Chair Drill (.wmv)
Morse Code vs Text Messaging (.wmv) ° Sawed in Half (.wmv) Kisses (.wmv) ° Shadow Puppetry (.wmv)
Quick-Change Artiest (.wmv) ° French Marines Beach Landing (.wmv) ° How Japanese Babies are Born (.mpg)
The Dancing Cockatoo (link) °  John Travolta Dog (2MB .wmv) ° Kangaroo Fun (.wmv) ° The Dentist (.wmv)
Granny and the Air Bag (.wmv) ° Foster Brooks -Airline Pilot (.wmv) ° The Trunk Monkey! (.wmv)
The Santa Clause Twist (.mpg) °  Italian Pepsi Commercia (.wmv) ° The Fake Baby (.wmv) ° Dancing Dog (link)
Job Market, 2009 (.wmv) ° Man vs. Women's Brains (.wmv) ° Best Flying Stunt Ever (.wmv)
I'll Gonna' Miss This Guy! (.wmv) ° SNL Bailout Skit ° World Air Traffic for 24 Hours(.wmv) ° La Chance -Lucky, dumb or both! (.avi)

Cartoon Movies: (new section)

First, a few funny ones: Your Computer at Night ° The Bored Room (Click on the icons) ° Waasszzup ° Felix
 Christmas: My Favorite Christmas Cartoon Movie ° Rudolf Arrives ° Noel Magic
Valentines: Romantic Robot ° Love Guy (Touch his arm) ° Who Needs Girls?
Halloween: The Zombie ° Trick or Treat
Gross!: Death by Lightsaber ° The Frog Blender ° The Hamster Bake ° Elf Bowling
I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's one called brightness, but it doesn't work.
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest. - Mark Twain
Don't be so humble, you're not that great. - Golda Meir
Born free... Taxed to death. -Anonymous
Passing Ships (Has nothing to do with humor, but more to do with who we are)
An amateur's remarkable collection of WTC photos (link)
Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons. -General Mac Arthur

Women (and Men) Gags
Estate Planning
Why Men are Happier than Women
Upgrade to Wife Version 1.0
Beware of this Medical Scam! (pic)
Why Women Live Longer than Men (pps)
New Drugs for Women
The Man and the Woman (pic)
The Dog and the Woman (pic)
If Women Ruled the World (pics)
Science quiz: Which of these two birds is the female?
Lady's Reserved Parking Lot (pic)

Computer Gags
Computer Cartoons too Real to be Funny
You Know it's 2006 When
Microsoft and General Motors
Abbott and Costello Buy a Computer
Facts of 'Computer' Life
Computer Women
Celebrity Computer Viruses
Computer Features you May Need (pics)
Fly the Friendly Skies of Computer-Operating-Systems
The Ultimate Polish Clock (link)
Microsoft Haikus Error Messages
The Technologically Impaired

Redneck Gags
Technology for Country Folk
Politically Correct Southerners
Redneck Amenities (pics)
Redneck Christmas (pics)
Redneck Hunting Dogs (pic)
If Rednecks Ruled the World (pics)
Rednecks on Parade (pics)
Martha Stewart's Tips for Rednecks
You May be a Redneck Pilot -if
Alabama's First Lottery Winner (pic)
Southerner Knowledge Exam
Technology for Country Folks (pics)

Dog and Cat Humor
All Dogs go to Heaven
A Cat's Map of the Bed
John Travolta Dog History (link)
How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
Canine Perspectives (Cartoons)
Vicious Dog Pack Attacks Gator In Florida (Not for the squeamish!)
Skidboot -Who said dogs can't think? (8-minute .avi)
The Incredibly Missing Lunch (2MB .wmv)
Largest Cat in the US (movie link)
Skateboarding Dog (wmv)
Pet Rules of the House
The Importance to Learn Another Language (2MB.mpg)
Food Fight, a REAL Animal House (2MB .wmv)
The Hidden Life of Dogs (cartoons)
You May be a Dog Lover If:
Weber Discovers Political Protest (pics)
Ever Wonder what your Pets are Doing While You're Gone?
Why Our Dog Left Home (pic)
Winners of the "I look like my dog" Contest (pics)
A few (Strange) Pet Pictures
Dog Haikus (link)
No one is Above Suspicion (pic)
Personal Ad
Catbert (pic)
A Cat's Diary
Cat and Mouse Game (pic)
Who's Afraid of the Big Brown Cat (Pic)
Lady and her Cat (pic)
A Free Cat (story)
Hamburger Teamwork (pic)
Animal Love (700K pps)
Dog letters to God
A Dog's Purpose -from a 4 year old

Senior Humor
Old Ain't for Sissies!!
Don't Mess with Seniors
Senile Virus -Defeats Norton
Workout for Seniors (animation)
Those Were the Days -sigh! (pic)
The Benefits of Growing Older

Fantastic Images (pps)
Things you just don't see everyday (in nature)

Jack's Collected Cartoons Page
Orthopedic bed for Men
Kiddie Kartoons
Easter Cartoons
The Fishing Trip
Hunting Humor
Dinner goes Better with Wine
Can You Hear me Now?
The New Gas Prices
One more Gas Price
When Temperatures Drop in Central Florida
The Bomb Squad (sick!)

Various Holiday Photos and Cartoons
All-in-One Holiday
The Halloween Democrrat
Don't Drink and Fly
Harvest Moon (a little gross!)
Halloween Grope (even MORE gross!)
Halloween Dogs

Airplane Humor
Stunt Pilot Creates New 'Stunt'(.wmv)
Fly this Simulator with your Cursor (Link)
Learn to fly (Here)
Ellsworth AFB Foam Test (link)
Bubble Bath (pic)
Aviation Truisms
Bad Day at the Airport (1MB .pps)
Engine restart in the air (pic)
Cracks Found on Military Helicopter  -Scary stuff, -Equipment Inspections
Close Encounter -of the Aluminum Kind (pics)
Don't Park on the Runway (pic)
Air Force Cuts Back (pic)
I Learned About Flying from Dat
The Stealthy Fighter (pic)
Low Approaches (pics)
Road Rage (pic)
Aviation in Africa (Story and Pictures)
Air Force Maintenance Reports
The Hot Aviator
P3 comes back to Lockheed (ppt-600Kbytes)
Well, they said, "Keep it close!" (pic)
   (Pilot grounded for 30 days)

Sign Humor
Signs with Imagination
Signs that mean business
A few funny signs (pics)
Some Funny Pictures (pic page)

Increase Your "Intelligence"
A Word Riddle (.wmv)
The Art of Buying and Selling Monkeys
Count the people, before and after the shift
Are you UP to it?
Diagnosed with AAADD
What is Long Island?
What is Atlanta?
The Temperature of Hell is Determined
USA Military Language (Problems)
Proof of Global Warming (pic)
Missile Defense -Explained (wav)
All things have a gender
The 400 NOMINATED Best Movie Lines (Only 100 were accepted)
40 Things you may not Know
More Things you may not Know
Thought for the Day
The Mind Reader (link)
How it all Came About
One of Aesop's Lost Fables
Do You Know Jack Schitt?
How they Really make Hamburgers (moving gif)
Here is the "Smoking Gun" (pic)
A Guide to Safe Fax
The Official Boomer Exam
Fate and the Independent Thinker

Creeds to Live By
Advice for the Day
Secrets to a Happy Marriage
How to Launch a Personal Water Craft (pics)
Test for Mad cow Disease (.doc)
Suggestions for a Good Life (pics)
The Secret of Inner Peace
The Dating Game -Instructions

Religious Humor
Classic Jewish Humor
Four Religious Truths
Pope Debates Jew
If Elian Gonzales Were Jewish
History of the Ten Commandments
Various Views of Religion (.rtf)

Political Humor
Why did the chicken cross the road? -Modern Version
Demographics of American Newspapers
The Year 2525 (.pps)
Moses at the Airport
What Ever Happened to Alfred E. Newman?
Political Observations -Why do these seem so current??
Weapons of Math Instruction
Three Things to Think About
Separated at Birth (pics)
The Race Card ID (pic)
Your ID Please (Welcome to the 21st Century)
Headlines in 2056 (link)
Headlines of the Year 2035
Election Dysfunction (pic)
Let's Hope this Lady is Still Alive (link)
The Reich-Wing Republican Joke Page

Terrorist Humor
Virgins in Heaven
Threat Levels
Priceless (pic)
Axis(es) of Evil -Strike back!
Afghan SAM Launch (pic)
Afghan TV-Guide
Proposed Design for the New WTC Buildings (pic)

Finger Painting (700K pps)

Just Plain Funny!
Why did the chicken cross the road? -Modern Version
Why did the chicken cross the road?
The Free Ticket
Real Newspaper Ads
The Pun Contest

Where is my Dozer??? (pps)
Boortz' Anger Management (link)
Viagra Ads -in Other Products
Butt Check (Addendum)
A Lesson in Physics (pics)
Who's on First (link)
Rodney Dangerfield One-liners
Classic One-liners
Roadkill Cafe (link)
I-80, Iowa (664 KB mp3)
A Short History of Medicine
The Chili Contest
Heavenly Lawns
If Airlines Sold Paint

Interesting Photos
Don't Turn Your Head
AFLAC Money Scam
South Carolina Highway Patrol Bowling League
Jacket Sticker
Try explaining these to the insurance company
Not My Job
Luck Happens
Overload Text
This is a BAD job!
Sign Here
Hands-Free Mobile Phone
Second Sinking of the Titanic
This Bud's on Me

.EML Collection
Some Dumb News Paper Articles
Bambi and Thumper Really do Exist
Jack-O-Lantern Contest
Don Marco, Master Crayola Artiest
Makes You Think
Hubbell Photos
Canine Perspectives
Would You Remarry?
Fairy Tales
Unusual Toilets of the World
Older, Wiser, Laughing Souls

Nothing in Particular
For the difficult people in your life (pic)
Cold Winter Forecast
How "Old" are you
Your Driver's License may be on the Internet -Scary? (link)
The Speeding Ticket
The Big Sale
Don't Open This ( java)
A Reality Check
Thoughts of Beer
Pearly Gates
Paybacks for Blond Jokes
Paybacks for Beer Belly Jokes
Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged
WW-II Bizarre Moments
Ever SEE a Sonic BOOM?
Life in the Monastery
Weights and Measures (You Didn't know About)
The License Agreement
Her Accident Report
Why English is "Cruel and Inhumane Punishment"
Winners in the Bulwer-Lytton Contest
Engineers - Do you see yourself here?
What happens when you spill water on your computer.scr
   (Double-click on the .scr file.  It's also a screen saver)
The Last Page of the Internet


I'm not playing the lottery anymore; Jane and Ted just proved to me that money can't buy you love.  However, my ship just came in, but I was sitting in the bus station at the time.


A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" In a hushed
voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2, weighs 225 and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6' 5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of us is blonde. Think about it, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."


The CIA had an opening for an assassin.  After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists,  two men and a woman.  For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.  "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances.  Inside of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair, KILL HER!!"

The man said, "You can't be serious.  I could never shoot my wife."  The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. The second man was given the same instructions.  He took the gun and went into the room.  All was quiet for about five minutes.  Then the man came out with tears in his eyes.  "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."  The agent said, "You don't have what it takes, Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn.  She was given the same instructions,  to kill her husband.  She took the gun and went into the room.  Shots were heard, one shot after another.  They heard screaming, crashing,  banging on the walls.  After a few minutes, all was quiet.

The door opened slowly and there stood the woman.  She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks.  I had to beat him to death with the chair."

Check out the Three Blondes Story (HERE).


The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by university physicists. The new element was tentatively named Administratium. It has no protons and no electrons, and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 15 assistant neutrons, 70 vice-neutrons, and 161 assistant vice-neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 247. These 247 particles are held together by a force that involves constant exchange of a special class of particle called morons.

Since it does not have electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium added to one reaction caused it to take over four days to complete.   Without Administratium, the reaction took less than one second.

Administratium has a half-life of approximately three years, after which it does not normally decay but instead undergoes a complex nuclear process called "Reorganization". In this little-understood process, assistant neutrons, vice-neutrons, and assistant vice-neutrons appear to exchange places. Early results indicate that atomic mass actually increases after each "Reorganization".


Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because  we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever,  but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."  -- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff,"  -- Mariah Carey

"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."  -- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your  life."  -- Brooke Shields,   during an interview to become spokesperson for a  federal anti-smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."  -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."    -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."  -- Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks.

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm  just the one to do it."  -- A congressional candidate in Texas.

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."  -- Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark

"If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will be cut right out from under your feet."  -- Former British foreign minister, Ernest Bevin.

"We have to pause and ask ourselves how much clean air do we need?"  -- Lee  Iacocca

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version."   -- Colonel Oliver  North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football.  A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."  --Joe Theisman,   NFL football quarterback & sports analyst

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."   -- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." -- Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."  -- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

"We apologize for the error in last week's paper in which we stated that Mr.  Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course,  that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce." -- Correction Notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." -- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman



The Washington Post's Style Invitational asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some recent winners:

 The 2006 winners are:
 Cashtration (n.): The act of buying (or building) a house, which  renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
 Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an a**hole.
 Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize that it was your money to start with.
 Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
 Decafalon: (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
 Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
 Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
 Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

Some earlier winners:
 Presidue: Stains found on Monica's dress.
 Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
 Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
 Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
 Tatyr: A lecherous Mr. Potato Head.
 Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn't get it.
 Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
 Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
 Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
 Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right?
     And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like, a serious bummer.
 Glibido: All talk and no action.
 Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
 Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming
     only things that are good for you.
 Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've
     accidentally walked through a spider web.
 Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
     bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
 Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

 The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its
 yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate
 meanings for common words. And the winners are:

 1. Coffee, (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.
   -And Jack's submission: Tacky, (n) victim of the tackor.
 2. Flabbergasted, (adj.) appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
 3. Abdicate, (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
 4. Esplanade, (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.
 5. Willy-Nilly, (adj.) impotent.
 6. Negligent, (adj.) absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
 7. Lymph, (v.) to walk with a lisp.
 8. Gargoyle, (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.
 9. Flatulence, (n.) emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
 10. Balderdash, (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.
 11. Testicle, (n.) a humorous question on an exam.
 12. Rectitude, (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
 13. Pokemon, (n.) a Rastafarian proctologist.
 14. Oyster, (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
 15. Frisbeetarianism, (n.) the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
 16. Circumvent, (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

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