Women Gags ° Computer Gags ° Redneck Gags ° Dog and Cat Humor ° Senior Humor ° Nature
Various Holiday Photos ° Airplane Humor ° Sign Humor ° Increase Your "Intelligence" ° "Advice"
Religious Humor ° Political Humor ° Terrorist Humor ° Just Plain Funny ° Interesting Photos ° Nothing in Particular
New Element Discovered ° Who Said Women Can't Take Instructions ° Dumb Remarks Duly Noted
My EML Collection ° Vocabulary Lessons ° Cartoon Movies ° Cartoons ° Vocabulary Lessons
Cartoon Movies: (new section)
Women (and Men)
Why Men are Happier than Women
Upgrade to Wife Version 1.0
Beware of this Medical Scam! (pic)
Why Women Live Longer than Men (pps)
New Drugs for Women
The Man and the Woman (pic)
The Dog and the Woman (pic)
If Women Ruled the World (pics)
Science quiz: Which of these two birds is the female?
Lady's Reserved Parking Lot (pic)
Computer Cartoons too Real to be Funny
You Know it's 2006 When
Microsoft and General Motors
Abbot and Costello Buy a Computer
Facts of 'Computer' Life
Celebrity Computer Viruses
Computer Features you May Need (pics)
Fly the Friendly Skies of Computer-Operating-Systems
The Ultimate Polish Clock (link)
Microsoft Haikus Error Messages
The Technologically Impaired
Technology for Country Folk
Politically Correct Southerners
Redneck Amenities (pics)
Redneck Christmas (pics)
Redneck Hunting Dogs (pic)
If Rednecks Ruled the World (pics)
Rednecks on Parade (pics)
Martha Stewart's Tips for Rednecks
You May be a Redneck Pilot -if
Alabama's First Lottery Winner (pic)
Southerner Knowledge Exam
Technology for Country Folks (pics)
Dog and Cat Humor
All Dogs go to Heaven
A Cat's Map of the Bed
John Travolta Dog History (link)
How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
Canine Perspectives (Cartoons)
Vicious Dog Pack Attacks Gator In Florida (Not for the squeamish!)
Skidboot -Who said dogs can't think? (8-minute .avi)
The Incredibly Missing Lunch (2MB .wmv)
Largest Cat in the US (movie link)
Skateboarding Dog (wmv)
Pet Rules of the House
The Importance to Learn Another Language (2MB.mpg)
Food Fight, a REAL Animal House (2MB .wmv)
The Hidden Life of Dogs (cartoons)
You May be a Dog Lover If:
Weber Discovers Political Protest (pics)
Ever Wonder what your Pets are Doing While You're Gone?
Why Our Dog Left Home (pic)
Winners of the "I look like my dog" Contest (pics)
A few (Strange) Pet Pictures
Dog Haikus (link)
No one is Above Suspicion (pic)
A Cat's Diary
Cat and Mouse Game (pic)
Who's Afraid of the Big Brown Cat (Pic)
Lady and her Cat (pic)
A Free Cat (story)
Hamburger Teamwork (pic)
Animal Love (700K pps)
Dog letters to God
A Dog's Purpose -from a 4 year old
Old Ain't for Sissies!!
Don't Mess with Seniors
Senile Virus -Defeats Norton
Workout for Seniors (animation)
Those Were the Days -sigh! (pic)
The Benefits of Growing Older
Fantastic Images (pps)
Things you just don't see everyday (in nature)
Jack's Collected Cartoons Page
Orthopedic bed for Men
The Fishing Trip
Dinner goes Better with Wine
Can You Hear me Now?
The New Gas Prices
One more Gas Price
When Temperatures Drop in Central Florida
The Bomb Squad (sick!)
Photos and Cartoons
The Halloween Democrrat
Don't Drink and Fly
Harvest Moon (a little gross!)
Halloween Grope (even MORE gross!)
Stunt Pilot Creates New 'Stunt'(.wmv)
Fly this Simulator with your Cursor (Link)
Learn to fly (Here)
Ellsworth AFB Foam Test (link)
Bubble Bath (pic)
Bad Day at the Airport (1MB .pps)
Engine restart in the air (pic)
Cracks Found on Military Helicopter -Scary stuff, -Equipment Inspections
Close Encounter -of the Aluminum Kind (pics)
Don't Park on the Runway (pic)
Air Force Cuts Back (pic)
I Learned About Flying from Dat
The Stealthy Fighter (pic)
Low Approaches (pics)
Road Rage (pic)
Aviation in Africa (Story and Pictures)
Air Force Maintenance Reports
The Hot Aviator
P3 comes back to Lockheed (ppt-600Kbytes)
Well, they said, "Keep it close!" (pic)
(Pilot grounded for 30 days)
Signs with Imagination
Signs that mean business
A few funny signs (pics)
Some Funny Pictures (pic page)
A Word Riddle (.wmv)
The Art of Buying and Selling Monkeys
Count the people, before and after the shift
Are you UP to it?
Diagnosed with AAADD
What is Long Island?
What is Atlanta?
The Temperature of Hell is Determined
USA Military Language (Problems)
Proof of Global Warming (pic)
Missile Defense -Explained (wav)
All things have a gender
The 400 NOMINATED Best Movie Lines (Only 100 were accepted)
40 Things you may not Know
More Things you may not Know
Thought for the Day
The Mind Reader (link)
How it all Came About
One of Aesop's Lost Fables
Do You Know Jack Schitt?
How they Really make Hamburgers (moving gif)
Here is the "Smoking Gun" (pic)
A Guide to Safe Fax
The Official Boomer Exam
Fate and the Independent Thinker
Creeds to Live By
Advice for the Day
Secrets to a Happy Marriage
How to Launch a Personal Water Craft (pics)
Test for Mad cow Disease (.doc)
Suggestions for a Good Life (pics)
The Secret of Inner Peace
The Dating Game -Instructions
Classic Jewish Humor
Four Religious Truths
Pope Debates Jew
If Elian Gonzales Were Jewish
History of the Ten Commandments
Various Views of Religion (.rtf)
Why did the chicken cross the road? -Modern Version
Demographics of American Newspapers
The Year 2525 (.pps)
Moses at the Airport
What Ever Happened to Alfred E. Newman?
Political Observations -Why do these seem so current??
Weapons of Math Instruction
Three Things to Think About
Separated at Birth (pics)
The Race Card ID (pic)
Your ID Please (Welcome to the 21st Century)
Headlines in 2056 (link)
Headlines of the Year 2035
Election Dysfunction (pic)
Let's Hope this Lady is Still Alive (link)
The Reich-Wing Republican Joke Page
Virgins in Heaven
Axis(es) of Evil -Strike back!
Afghan SAM Launch (pic)
Proposed Design for the New WTC Buildings (pic)
Finger Painting (700K pps)
Just Plain Funny!
Why did the chicken cross the road? -Modern Version
Why did the chicken cross the road?
The Free Ticket
Real Newspaper Ads
The Pun Contest
Where is my Dozer??? (pps)
Boortz' Anger Management (link)
Viagra Ads -in Other Products
Butt Check (Addendum)
A Lesson in Physics (pics)
Who's on First (link)
Rodney Dangerfield One-liners
Roadkill Cafe (link)
I-80, Iowa (664 KB mp3)
A Short History of Medicine
The Chili Contest
If Airlines Sold Paint
Don't Turn Your Head
AFLAC Money Scam
South Carolina Highway Patrol Bowling League
Try explaining these to the insurance company
Not My Job
This is a BAD job!
Hands-Free Mobile Phone
Second Sinking of the Titanic
This Bud's on Me
Some Dumb News Paper Articles
Bambi and Thumper Really do Exist
Don Marco, Master Crayola Artiest
Makes You Think
Would You Remarry?
Unusual Toilets of the World
Older, Wiser, Laughing Souls
Nothing in Particular
For the difficult people in your life (pic)
Cold Winter Forecast
How "Old" are you
Your Driver's License may be on the Internet -Scary? (link)
The Speeding Ticket
The Big Sale
Don't Open This ( java)
A Reality Check
Thoughts of Beer
Paybacks for Blond Jokes
Paybacks for Beer Belly Jokes
Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged
WW-II Bizarre Moments
Ever SEE a Sonic BOOM?
Life in the Monastery
Weights and Measures (You Didn't know About)
The License Agreement
Her Accident Report
Why English is "Cruel and Inhumane Punishment"
Winners in the Bulwer-Lytton Contest
Engineers - Do you see yourself here?
What happens when you spill water on your computer.scr
(Double-click on the .scr file. It's also a screen saver)
The Last Page of the Internet
FROM THE VENT
ANOTHER BLOND JOKE
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five
WHO SAID WOMEN CAN'T TAKE DIRECTIONS!
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes, Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet.
The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."
Check out the Three Blondes Story (HERE).
NEW ELEMENT DISCOVERED!
Since it does not have electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium added to one reaction caused it to take over four days to complete. Without Administratium, the reaction took less than one second.
Administratium has a half-life of approximately three years, after
which it does not normally decay but instead undergoes a complex nuclear
process called "Reorganization". In this little-understood process, assistant
neutrons, vice-neutrons, and assistant vice-neutrons appear to exchange
places. Early results indicate that atomic mass actually increases after
DUMB REMARKS DULY NOTED
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff," -- Mariah Carey
"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law." -- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign.
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body." -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees." -- Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks.
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it." -- A congressional candidate in Texas.
"Half this game is ninety percent mental." -- Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark
"If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will be cut right out from under your feet." -- Former British foreign minister, Ernest Bevin.
"We have to pause and ask ourselves how much clean air do we need?" -- Lee Iacocca
"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version." -- Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.
"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst
"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." -- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." -- Keppel Enderbery
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." -- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
"We apologize for the error in last week's paper in which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce." -- Correction Notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper
"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." -- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
VOCABULARY LESSONS FOR THE DAY
The 2006 winners are:
Cashtration (n.): The act of buying (or building) a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an a**hole.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize that it was your money to start with.
Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Decafalon: (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
Some earlier winners:
Presidue: Stains found on Monica's dress.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Tatyr: A lecherous Mr. Potato Head.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn't get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right?
And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like, a serious bummer.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming
only things that are good for you.
Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web.
Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published
the winning submissions to its
yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate
meanings for common words. And the winners are:
1. Coffee, (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.
-And Jack's submission: Tacky, (n) victim of the tackor.
2. Flabbergasted, (adj.) appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-Nilly, (adj.) impotent.
6. Negligent, (adj.) absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, (v.) to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, (n.) emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, (n.) a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, (n.) a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, (n.) the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.