Subject: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?  -MODERN VERSION

SARAH PALIN:  Before it got to the other side, I shot the chicken, cleaned 
and dressed it, and had chicken burgers for lunch.

BARACK OBAMA:  The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change!  
The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN:  My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized
the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the 
other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:  When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little 
chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to 
ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance 
it deserves to cross the road.  But then, this really isn't about me.

BILL CLINTON:  I did not cross the road with that chicken.  What is your 
definition of chicken?

GEORGE W. BUSH:  We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road.  
We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not.  
The chicken is either against us, or for us.  There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY:  Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL:  Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the 
satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

AL GORE:  I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY:  Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now 
against it!  It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the 
chicken's intentions.  I am not for it now and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON:  Why are all the chickens white?  We need some black chickens. 

DONALD RUMSFELD: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the
satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

ANDERSON COOPER/CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we
have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.