Operator: Thank you for calling Pizza Hut.  May I have your national ID number?

     Customer: Hi, I'd like to place an order.

     Operator: I must have your NIDM first, sir.

     Customer: My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's 6102049998-45-54610.

     Operator:  Thank you Mr Sheehan.  I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number is 494-2366.  Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number is 266-2566.  Email address is shee-han@home.net. Which number are you calling from sir?

     Customer:  Huh? I'm at home. Where'd you get all this information?

     Operator:  We're wired into the HSS, sir.

     Customer:  The HSS, what is that?

     Operator: We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir.  This will add only 15 seconds to your ordering time.

     Customer:  (sighs) Oh well,  I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas.

     Operator:  I don't think that's a good idea, sir.

     Customer:  Whaddya mean?

     Operator: Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice.

     Customer:  What?!?! What do you recommend, then?

     Operator:  You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza.  I'm sure you'll like it.

     Customer:  What makes you think I'd like something like that?

     Operator:  Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local library last week, sir.  That's why I made the suggestion.

     Customer:  All right, all right.  Give me two family-sized ones, then.

     Operator:  That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, and your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir.  Your total is $49.99.

     Customer:  Lemme give you my credit card number.

     Operator:  I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit

     Customer:  I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here.

     Operator:  That won't work either, sir.  Your checking account is overdrawn also.

     Customer:  Never mind!  Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How long will it take?

     Operator:  We're running a little behind, sir.  It'll be about 45 minutes, sir.  If you're in a hurry you might want to pick'em up  while you're out getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.

     Customer:   Wait!  How do you know I ride a scooter?

     Operator:  It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repo'ed.  But your Harley's paid for and you just filled the tank yesterday.

     Customer:   Well, I'll be a #%#^^&$%^$@#

     Operator:  I'd advise watching your language, sir.  You've already got a July 4, 2003  conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see here in September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge.

     Oh yes, I see here that you just got out from a 90 day stay in the State Correctional Facility.  Is this your first pizza since your return to society?

     Customer:  (speechless)

     Operator:  Will there be anything else, sir?

     Customer:  Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke.

     Operator:   I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics.  The New
     Constitution prohibits this.

                        Thank you for calling Pizza Hut.