From: Tom Pressly:

   THE SPEEDING TICKET

Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's
registration in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman
who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was
quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to
handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.

Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registeration.
The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a
gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's
a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
The trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you
told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the
glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, and I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding,
too!