REAL NEWSPAPER ADS

 FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
 8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites.

 FREE PUPPIES:
 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

 FREE PUPPIES...
 Mother, German Shepherd.
 Father, Super Dog...able to leap tall fences
 in a single bound.

 FOUND - DIRTY WHITE DOG.
 Looks like a rat .... been out a while.
 Better be a reward.

 COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
 Also 1 GAY BULL for sale.

 JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
 Must sell washer and dryer $300.

 WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
 WORN ONCE BY MISTAKE.
 Call Stephanie.

 AND THE BEST ONE:

 FOR SALE BY OWNER:
 Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica,
 45 volumes.
 Excellent condition.
 $1,000 or best offer.
 No longer needed, got married last month.
 Wife knows everything

"If you wait too long to plant the tree, where will you hang your hammock?"